Can you be my Baymax?

I've been a messed up this month. My youngest dog dying from illness, a friend leaving the office, a new staff assuming my former tasks, a workmate/partner spending more time with that new staff making me feel a little bit unimportant and unnecessary, additional workloads, stressful work, a good friend who I made a prank just questioned me if I were really a real friend that , stuffs and issues that keeps on running my head, bothering me, confusing me, negative thoughts that's been bugging me this past weeks. 

Been crying and suppressing this pent up feelings inside. Nobody understands me I suppose. Only dogs can understand me haha, they are my Baymax, and I just lost one.

Be your Baymax

"On a scale of one to ten, how would you rate your pain? I cannot deactivate until you say you are satisfied with your care" "Hey, I'm not giving up on you" -Baymax

Can you be my Hiro Hamada?
Cause I want to be your Baymax.
I might not be strong enough to defend you to your enemies,
I might not always be there beside you,
I might not always available when you need me,
Always keep in your mind that when the time comes that you get HURT,
and in PAIN (physically or emotionally), all you gotta do is just sat OUCH.
I can't promise you to take away all the pain but I promise you that I WILL
just simply HUG you and stay by your side until the pain go away..

May narealize ako dito..

Malungkot ka na nga wala ka pa ring ginagawang paraan para maging masaya.

Sino hihintayin mo? Mga kaibigan mo na busy rin sa mga problema nila? Huwag tayong maging pabigat sa kanila, nakakahiya kaya. Kaya naman natin yan eh, at sayang lang oras nila kapag nagbigay sila ng payo at hindi ka rin naman papayag dito. Ikaw pa rin naman ang mag dedesisyon eh. 

Think outside the box.

Kalimutan mo yung mga napanuod mong Love Stories sa Sinehan, sa Youtube, sa Flippish, sa Facebook, wag ka magbasa ng mga Video ni Marcelo. Papalungkutin ka lang lalo ng mga yun. Pasayahin mo ang sarili mo. Kaya mo naman talaga eh, ayaw mo lang.

Pati yung mga quotes na nagsisikalat sa internet, yung mga GM ng maiingay mong kaibigan na walang ibang ginawa kundi mag send ng quotes na kinuha lang naman sa internet o kaya naman finorward lang din sa kanila. 

Mag desisyon ka para sa sarili mo, sariling diskarte, sariling pag-iisip. Huwag mo idepende ang buhay mo sa mga taong nakapaligid sayo. Sa taong gusto mo, sa taong mahal mo. Sasaktan ka lang ng iba diyan eh. At least kapag sarili mo muna ang mahal mo, hindi ka basta basata maapi diyan.

Ok? Gets mo na? Mahalin ang sarili, pasayahin, enjoyin ang buhay at manlandi ng my limitasyon. Oo manlandi ka. Kasiyahan yan. 

Source: matabangutak

Repost: Pwedeng Maging Robot?

Isang daang beses. Isang libo. Isang milyon. Hindi ko na mabilang. Sa sobrang daming beses. Sa maraming ulit na pinilit kong subukan na hindi ka mahalin. At kung gano ko kadalas na sinubukan, ganun kadalas din akong natalo. At ganun kadalas din akong nasaktan. Wow. Ang dami na pala. Ngayon ko lang na-realize.

Kaya hindi ako nagtataka kung baket madaming nagwi-wish na sana may switch na lang ang puso. Yung tipong pag may isang tao na karapat-dapat mahalin, pipindutin mo lang yung “ON” ng puso mo tsaka ng puso nya. Tapos magmamahalan na kayo. Tapos pag ayaw mo na, o kaya pag sa tingin mo wala namang kahihinatnan yung pagsasama nyo, pipindutin mo na lang yung “OFF.” Tapos, tapos na. Sana ganun lang kadali. Eh di sana lahat ng tao masaya. Wala ng iiyak. Gaya ngayon.

Sana manhid na lang ako. Yung tipong walang pakialam. Gigising. Kakain. Maliligo. Papasok sa trabaho. Uuwi. Kakain. Manonood ng tv. Matutulog. Tapos gigising na naman kinabukasan. Yung tao na nabubuhay lang para sa sarili nya. Sana ganun na lang ako. Sana wala na lang din akong pakialam sa bawat himaymay ng mga pananalita at kilos mo. Sana hindi ko napapansin bawat anggulo ng pag-ikot ng mata mo. Kung gano mo kabilis o kabagal hinahawi yung buhok mo. Kung hanggang saan ba umaabot yung ngiti mo. Hanggang panga. Hanggang tenga. Kung gaano kataas o kababa yung pitch ng boses mo pag kausap kita.

Minsan nga, naiisip ko, masokista siguro ako. Siguro gustong gusto kong nasasaktan ako kaya ako nagsusumiksik sa yo. Siguro gustong gusto kong umiiyak kapag naalala ko na hindi nga pala kita pwedeng mahalin. O siguro sadyang tanga lang ako. Kasi wala akong kadala-dala. O kaya nagbubulag-bulagan. Nagbibingi-bingihan. Para lang maramdaman ko na hindi ka nawawala sa buhay ko gamit ang mga kakapiranggot na oras na inaagaw ko sa buhay mo.

Kung pwede lang. Kung kaya ko lang. Hindi ko patitibukin ang puso ko sayo. Pero wag kang mag-alala. Kinakaya ko pa naman e… Matapang ako. O nagtatapang-tapangan. Pinipilit paniwalain ang sarili na kaya kong makita at tanggapin na andito lang ako lagi sa background. Extra. Naghihintay tawagin ng direktor para dumaan-daan sa harap ng kamera ng buhay mo.

Tama na nga to. Kahit naman anong sabihin ko dito, wala namang mababago sa mga pangyayari. At kahit naman mabasa mo to, wala ka rin namang magagawa. Dahil kahit bali-baliktarin mo ang mundo ko at ang mundo mo, babalik pa rin sa dating pwesto ang lahat. At lilitaw pa din kung ano ang realidad ng buhay nating dalawa.

Sana lang paggising ko bukas, robot na ko. Makina. Battery-operated. May switch. At least walang masokistang robot. At higit sa lahat, walang tangang robot.

*Written by Myles Genove from here.

Holding back my emotions.

Okay, I'm going to release my overwhelming emotion right now. So this will turn out us a rant. Who cares, it's my blog so I'll gonna write whatever I want! Why are other people so insensitive?! You think I will enjoy if he's gonna be there?! You know the tension between us, the rift we had. I could be civil with him but to be on an outing with him together with my most intimate friends, NO WAY! NO WAY I'll gonna enjoy the trip, NO WAY I'll feel fine, NO WAY that I'm coming if he's coming with us too. Instead of relaxing, it will just stress me out. I would rather end up sitting on the couch watching some boring shows or just let my dog chew my hands for fun, I just don't care. I would rather stay home than leave. As long as I don't feel uncomfortable, I would rather do it cause it will also make you all uncomfortable. What's the point of having an outing if it's just gonna turn out as a "awkward moment". There, I used awkward again. I thought our plan was clear as the sun that it would be just us on that "planned" outing. OR MAYBE, I'm the only one who think of it. Silly me. Then I'll found out that you're planning to bring him?! What, I'll just be surprised when he shows up on that day? I know that's it very hard to stuck between us. So much of the time I would just let you rather have a good time. That's why I leave. I don't wanna be the cause of the tension, the uncomfortable moments. As much as I want to be with you, I would just leave so you could enjoy better without me. I know you wouldn't enjoy if I'm around. Let's just face the truth. You would never know how hard it is to be left behind and how awkward it was whenever you bring your boyfriends. You would rather have an intimate talk with them while I end up talking to myself instead, asking myself what the heck am I doing there. But in fairness to you, I may never know how hard it is too to be in the middle of us. I know a lot of times I can't understand you. Maybe I    never will cause I may never be on your place. I tired my best to stay calm cause I know my tempers are bad and It wouldn't help, it would even make things worst. So if ever you read this, I'm sorry. There are times that I'm getting tired of all this drama and I just want someone or something to spill it out. You know for me, your my best friend and I never want to ruin you on other people's eyes cause I know they adore you as much as I do. But there are times when I think I'm gonna explode and I want to release it that's why I'm here. I don't want to hurt you and God knows I never intend to hurt you if ever i did. I know you feel the same way to for me, you never want to hurt me too.But circumstances happens that we ended up hurting even if we never intent to. But I learned that getting hurt is part of growing up. And I'm still willing to be hurt if its for you, just to see you happy. I guessed I'm used to getting hurt all the times. I'm okay being alone. I know I'm important to you as you always say. But I even know how much you loves him even if it's giving you so much pain. Maybe I will never understand that. Or maybe someday I will. I don't know. I just let time answer all my questions...

An ode to my lifeless pillow

Tonight.
In such a cold night, where no one, not even an imaginary person, to keep me warm.
But then, it is you who is willing to lend your body for me, to accompany me in a cold lonely night. It is you who is willing to catch my tears when it reaches to a point where I break down. It is you who loves me unconditionally, even though I don't change your covers personally.

You, my lifeless pillow, through thick and thin, stuck with me and never let me falter. Your true love gives me warmth in every night of miserable wondering. Your true love gives me comfort through the times of dire need.

So, I am dedicating this entry to you, my lifeless pillow. For tonight, you never left my side.

AWKWARD.

It's already 12am and this post is about what happened 6 hours ago and what I felt that time. I will just retype here (in my blog! )what I already typed in my multimedia message in my cellphone since I thought it was the only way to ease my situation. 

Around 5:30 and 6:00pm of Saturday, August 21, 2011. Inside a Karaoke booth in WoF KCC:

Well, I'm writing this down in my cellphone but I'll gonna transfer it later in my blog (since I made a commitment to write a journal and include all the "eventful" events in my daily life). Awkward moment strikes again. I'm just currently left in a room with Rich and her bf. I think I wanna be invisible for a moment. I felt like I'm ruining their moment..sort of. That awkward feeling when your left in a room where a couple were  so sweet and just having a good time with each other and you just don't know what you'll do or if its better to for me to just leave the room and get some air or be simply invisible. Yes, that's what it is right now. I'm having that AWKWARD feeling. And to add it up, Mich is just having her moment too, dunno what she's up to but my instincts tells me its not good. What the heck! I should be enjoying this moment. But I'm feeling quite the opposite. Oh BTW, we're in a karaoke booth, where they sing songs that somehow express what they feel right now. I'm not sure but I'm getting a bit nervous. Whew! Am I at the wrong place at the wrong time? Well, I feel I am right now. Maybe I should have stayed a little bit longer at my granny's house where I could catch up on things that happening to them. 

I don't know for what I am hearing and seeing right now, they're singing what they feels. Damn! It's a crazy awkward feeling. Now, they're having a duet while I'm pretending to be texting just to take away this awkward feeling...well, I'll just smile =). I hope this awkward feeling will fade. I'm so stiff right now. I'm trying to loosen up a bit and just enjoy, have fun. 

Oh, strike 2! She's singing "Cool Off" by Yeng C (ohh btw, her show tonight was great.!! wohow!!)What's happening???! This strange feeling is getting more a bit stronger. It's like there's something going on with her yet I don't know what it is but I'm quite aware of it. I learned that it's better not to asks questions on certain  things. I may not asking questions but at least I'm still willing to listen whatever it is. Dang! I don't know how to express it or even put a word on it. There's only one word to describe what I'm feeling right now: AWKWARD. 

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*After my awkward moments, thankfully I get to loosen up and we started to enjoy each others company. And they get to hear my amazing voice for the first time, LOL. Here are some of our photos:

GoodNightandSweetDreams!!! =)