Okay, I'm going to release my overwhelming emotion right now. So this will turn out us a rant. Who cares, it's my blog so I'll gonna write whatever I want! Why are other people so insensitive?! You think I will enjoy if he's gonna be there?! You know the tension between us, the rift we had. I could be civil with him but to be on an outing with him together with my most intimate friends, NO WAY! NO WAY I'll gonna enjoy the trip, NO WAY I'll feel fine, NO WAY that I'm coming if he's coming with us too. Instead of relaxing, it will just stress me out. I would rather end up sitting on the couch watching some boring shows or just let my dog chew my hands for fun, I just don't care. I would rather stay home than leave. As long as I don't feel uncomfortable, I would rather do it cause it will also make you all uncomfortable. What's the point of having an outing if it's just gonna turn out as a "awkward moment". There, I used awkward again. I thought our plan was clear as the sun that it would be just us on that "planned" outing. OR MAYBE, I'm the only one who think of it. Silly me. Then I'll found out that you're planning to bring him?! What, I'll just be surprised when he shows up on that day? I know that's it very hard to stuck between us. So much of the time I would just let you rather have a good time. That's why I leave. I don't wanna be the cause of the tension, the uncomfortable moments. As much as I want to be with you, I would just leave so you could enjoy better without me. I know you wouldn't enjoy if I'm around. Let's just face the truth. You would never know how hard it is to be left behind and how awkward it was whenever you bring your boyfriends. You would rather have an intimate talk with them while I end up talking to myself instead, asking myself what the heck am I doing there. But in fairness to you, I may never know how hard it is too to be in the middle of us. I know a lot of times I can't understand you. Maybe I never will cause I may never be on your place. I tired my best to stay calm cause I know my tempers are bad and It wouldn't help, it would even make things worst. So if ever you read this, I'm sorry. There are times that I'm getting tired of all this drama and I just want someone or something to spill it out. You know for me, your my best friend and I never want to ruin you on other people's eyes cause I know they adore you as much as I do. But there are times when I think I'm gonna explode and I want to release it that's why I'm here. I don't want to hurt you and God knows I never intend to hurt you if ever i did. I know you feel the same way to for me, you never want to hurt me too.But circumstances happens that we ended up hurting even if we never intent to. But I learned that getting hurt is part of growing up. And I'm still willing to be hurt if its for you, just to see you happy. I guessed I'm used to getting hurt all the times. I'm okay being alone. I know I'm important to you as you always say. But I even know how much you loves him even if it's giving you so much pain. Maybe I will never understand that. Or maybe someday I will. I don't know. I just let time answer all my questions...
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